The Power of Leaving People Where They Are.

Without the Cut-Off Culture. Choosing grace over ghosting in a culture obsessed with cutting people off

Jul 06, 2025

The phenomenon known as "cut off culture," which is so prominent in social media discourse, often draws criticism for its superficiality and performative elements. This trend tends to boil down complex interpersonal dynamics into a series of catchy phrases and buzzwords, masking a deeper underlying toxicity. In contrast, there exists a more meaningful and profound power in the act of simply leaving people where they are, but not abruptly or dismissively, but rather with a sense of grace, understanding, and discernment.

Your Healing Isn’t a Map for Everyone

This nuanced approach recognizes that each individual's journey of healing is uniquely their own. Just because one person has found solace in therapy, journaling, or other self-discovery practices does not obligate them to drag others along in their evolution. It's essential to acknowledge that what works for one may not resonate with another, and effort must be balanced with compassion. Instead of pushing people away, we can embrace patience and understanding. This means allowing others the space to grow and change at their own pace, rather than expecting them to meet our standards immediately. By fostering an environment of acceptance, we can build stronger, more meaningful connections that endure through challenges and differences. Ultimately, it's about valuing the person, regardless of their current beliefs or behaviors, and nurturing a healthy dialogue that encourages growth for everyone involved.

The Waterslide Metaphor

The waterslide metaphor aptly illustrates this concept. Picture ascending to the top of a towering waterslide with a group of friends, laughter and excitement filling the air. However, among them, one friend suddenly freezes, unable to proceed due to fear, perhaps of heights, or maybe an inability to swim. Despite the group's eagerness, their friend's reluctance highlights the stark difference in emotional readiness and confidence. This moment doesn’t indicate a loss of friendship or alignment; rather, it underscores fear and a lack of preparedness. Just because this individual is not ready to dive into the waterslide doesn’t make them any less deserving of love, support, or friendship.

What That Looks Like In Real Life

When we bring this idea closer to home, consider a scenario where a friend is mired in a toxic relationship. Having previously navigated such a situation yourself, you may feel compelled to intervene. Yet, it is critical to remember that it is not your responsibility to extricate them from their circumstances. Instead, focus on your feelings and boundaries. A constructive approach might be expressing your concern by saying, “I love you, but I can’t engage in these conversations anymore if they aren’t leading to change. I wish to support you while also preserving my own mental and emotional space.” This form of communication is not a cutoff; rather, it embodies honesty and protects the friendship from future resentment.

Additionally, consider that a friend who still enjoys partying every weekend while you are transitioning into a quieter phase of life might not necessarily be toxic; they may simply be experiencing a different rhythm. The goal isn’t to block or ghost them, but to engage in open dialogue about where each person stands.

The Soft Truth

The uncomfortable truth is that some individuals sever ties not necessarily due to the unhealthy nature of those relationships, but instead because these connections reflect parts of ourselves we wish to escape. This tendency signifies avoidance rather than authentic healing. While some relationships do indeed need to dissolve for healthy progression, many do not require a dramatic or theatrical exit. Instead, growth often allows individuals to drift apart naturally; as your personal standards and boundaries evolve, those around you will often sense the shift and may choose to remove themselves from your life without any need for announcement.

This aspect of growth is commonly overlooked in social media narratives. True growth acts as a filter; it reshapes your interactions without necessitating you to become the gatekeeper of who deserves access to your life. People who find themselves misaligned with your evolution will either adapt to the changes or quietly step back, often without the need for any formal farewell. In the end, what I have learned is that growth can be both subtle and gentle. It does not always need to be loud or final. It entails allowing others to remain in their present state without the compulsion to drag them into your journey or to fix them. It encompasses the capacity to sit with the discomfort that arises when someone you care for isn’t ready to walk the path you’re pursuing and choosing to withhold judgment.

The Unwind

You’re not obligated to be everyone’s breakthrough moment, nor is it a sign of failure to love someone from a distance if that choice fosters peace for both of you. Perhaps the real challenge lies not in determining who needs to be cut out of your life, but in learning how to release your expectations and preconceived notions of them. It might involve creating more space, expressing more truth, and extending more grace, especially toward the aspects of others that serve as reminders of your own past self. Ultimately, authentic growth involves recognizing that not everyone is meant to accompany you on your journey, and this realization isn’t a betrayal but rather a testament to finding balance in relationships.

Let them be. Let you grow.